1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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