I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
In other news, I just burned my penis
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
