remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
