I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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