Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
