No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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