I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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