I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
