Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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