he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize