I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
