I swear god or herbie drove my car home
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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