I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
