I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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