In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Someone shattered a urinal.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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