i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
