Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
