I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
