i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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