Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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