before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
