Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
