I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
