Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
