WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
