im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
