I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
