he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
