This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
