I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize