dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
