He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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