I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
