Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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