Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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