Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
