I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
