I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
