Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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