he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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