you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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