Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
