Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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