Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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