he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
