She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
whose parrot is this?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
