I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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