if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
