8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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