Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
