I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
