Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
