she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
