I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
