Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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