I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
