nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
