if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
