Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
