youre lurking in front of me
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
