There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
