I'm really into asian looking animals
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
