you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
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