I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Randomize
