waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
