I think i peed on brittanys purse
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
