I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
