just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
