I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
