foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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