I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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