my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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