you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
