oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
one two three fourrrrnication!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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