I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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