omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
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