hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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