We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
