You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
